new stuff

Today I visited a church in Yangjae-dong, Seoul. I really liked it.

http://www.onnurienglish.org/

So, that's what I wanted to post. :)

changes

So, before I begin, I decided to change the blog's name. I felt since my life just seems like a mess most of the time, why not have a blog that reflects that. I mean, I really do feel like a mess. But, I serve a God who is bigger than my problems. By His grace do I realize that my life is in His hands. I'm definitely His "Gomer" at times.

Well, to be brief, life has been good since I've been living in Korea. I'm 24 now (my birthday was on October 4), so I feel like now's a time to look back on some things.

First

Being 23 was a blessing and a curse.

It was a blessing because I learned a lot; however, it was a curse because I went through one of my darkest moments. I had so many issues that kept coming back. It was terrible!

I was baptized!

Yes, even though I don't care whether someone is sprinkled or immersed, I was baptized on January 25 this year. It was an awesome experience! I also joined my church, NewSpring, which was an amazing thing! It's funny though, initially when I went to NewSpring I didn't think I would really want to go there, growing up Presbyterian and all that. But, denominations don't matter as much to me as long as they are biblical and are Christ-centered. Also, I got to serve on the Fuse Parking Team, which was an amazing experience for me!

Second

I came to Korea.

This decision was probably one of the biggest steps I've had to take in my life. Honestly, it was a risk. I had a job where I was secure and safe, and I gave that up for something I wasn't really sure about. True, my job here isn't perfect, but what job really is? I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to teach English and live in another country! Not many people can do that or are willing to do that these days.

Lately, I've been busy learning Korean and spending time in the Word. Most of the time, I usually read my Bible on the bus, train, or at work. But I've been trying to sit an memorize parts of it. My goal in reading Scripture is to memorize it so I can witness and serve the Lord more effectively. Learning Korean has been fun too! I'm starting to get to a point where I think I might need to take classes, but I'm not sure yet. If I did take classes I would have to take them on Saturday mornings. But, it's a consideration right now.

I'm still writing poetry. Yes, even in the midst of an environment where English isn't spoken, my poetry seems to still linger in my thoughts. The hard part is remembering to write it down!

So, yeah, that's my brief update for now. See you!

Peace!

dilemmas and challenges

So, this week has definitely been challenging to me in many ways. For one, I've had to step it up as a teacher. I don't think I really understood how difficult teaching really was until now. Just the little things can hurt or upset students. Not only that, but also I've had to get more difficult with my students. They will take any advantage they can from you. They'll even beg you at times not to do something. Being a compassionate guy, it's difficult. I want to sit by them and encourage them to do well and that anything is possible. But the reality is that most of them don't want to learn this stuff and so compassion isn't what they need. I guess it's true in the spiritual life too. Sometimes we want God to be compassionate with us, to love us and give us the attention we feel we deserve. But sometimes, that's not what we really need. Sometimes we just need things to be hard and tiresome. We have to grow.

Second, I've had to learn about responsibility. I'm not only a teacher here, but an IWE leader. Since I've been placed to help lead the Welcome team and give some direction to them, I've realized that I have to watch myself and how I present myself to others. I need to be ready to lead and be Christ-like to any one who walks or wanders into our doors. In a way, and I'm not trying to boast, my job at church is one of the most important jobs when it comes to volunteering. I'm basically acting as IWE's face when new people come. Not only do I send out the emails, but also I've been calling the people who have been attending two or more times just to say "hey." But I'm starting to find out that by calling people and talking to them I'm making some kind of impact on them. Honestly, I don't know exactly what I do to them, but whatever it is it's the Holy Spirit at work in it. It's definitely a blessing for me and such a awesome thing to see God work in other people's lives.

Third, I'm starting to find out that I'm becoming closer to my family back home. I guess when you're away for some time even the people you normally don't talk to start to miss you. I can't tell how long I've spent on the phone with my brothers. They are definitely interested in what I'm doing over here. I've also spent several hours talking to my grandma and my parents back home. My grandma told me if anything bad happens to me here, she'll buy my airplane ticket so I can come home. It kinda makes me giggle, but I know she means it and I'm thankful that she cares. I just wish I could be at my grandma's house right now so she isn't so lonely.

Being here has definitely changed my perspective on things. You don't want to take any opportunity for making friends here for granted. You never know when you'll need people to help you. Already the John family (the Pakistani family I spend my weekends with) seems to have taken me under their wing. I'm really blessed and honored to know them and spend time with them. They're such a wonderful family! This winter they've invited me to go to Pakistan with them for a family wedding. I'm not sure if I want to go yet because I kind of want to go to Japan, but it's definitely something I'm considering. It would be wonderful to see Pakistan though. I can tell you that Pakistani food is amazing! I asked them if there would be any problems with me going since I'm an American, but they told me that since I don't act like an American or walk like an American it wouldn't be too difficult to hide the fact that I am one; I would just have to wear Pakistani traditional clothing. It sounds fun, but I do want to go to Japan. We'll see. :P

It's already starting to cool down here. I think it was 27 degrees outside last time I checked (that's Celsius for you). This weekend I'm visiting my friend Jin in Seoul. This guy has really been a good friend to me. I met him at a time when I was really looking for some Korean friends, so his friendship means a lot to me. I really want to improve my Korean just so he doesn't have to speak so much English (English is really tough for Koreans to speak). I don't know what we'll do, but I know it will be fun.

So, yeah, that's just some of the things that I've been going through and thinking about lately. Perhaps my blog is becoming a little too personal, but I just really want to share what's going here with me as much as possible for you guys back home. I know you can't be here with me, but maybe offering some glimpses into my Korean life here will be a blessing to you. I know you guys are praying for me and I am humbly honored. I love you all very much!

Peace.

Getting Hugged by a Drunk Korean

Yes, it's true. I was hugged randomly by a drunk guy on the street this evening. It was weird, but it was OK. Although, getting more attention by other Koreans isn't what I like to get if I can. But, I'm a Caucasian guy living around a bunch of Asians. What else should I expect?

Anyways, I've been having an interesting time here. My job is becoming more complicated than I expected. I definitely have to watch what I say and do around my students. Apparently they tell their parents EVERYTHING! So, even if I tell one of my students that he's crazy, he'll tell his parents and the parents tell my boss. Calling a person crazy in Korea isn't considered a good thing. Sometimes I enjoy work, but other times I don't. I usually enjoy work when I can actually get my students to study. Slowly, I've been able to get some of my students to actually study. Some of the students actually prefer to have me because I make learning a little more fun for them evidently. But the middle school students, on the other hand, just want me to talk all the time. They just don't want to study. Also, the middle schoolers try to always study for their vocabulary test in class. Usually, if I catch them, it's -3 points from their test. They definitely complain about it.

At church, I've been busy helping out with the Welcome team. It's not a bad way to serve actually. But apparently, it's one of the most important jobs behind the witnessing and preaching of the Word. Because there are so many foreigners that come and go at church, Meeting with them and connecting with them is a big task. For one, it's tough trying to meet new people during fellowship when all your friends want to talk to you. I've been trying to meet as many new people as possible because it's important that they know who's sending them these emails with the name "Myron Brown" attached to the closing. It's just good to have a name with a face. This past Sunday, I gave the invocation in the morning service and sang on the stage with the VBS kids for the afternoon service. If you want to see me, just go to www.myiwe.com. It's pretty easy. The Scripture reading is from Gen. 3:1-13.

My free time is usually limited to only one day: Saturday. This past Saturday I met up with this guy I met on the subway a couple weeks ago. His name is Jin Hyeok. He's a pretty cool guy. I had to wait for him, so spent lots of time in some bookstores and coffeeshops in downtown Seoul. Apparently, he's a grad student at Seoul National University (the Harvard of Korea) studying chemical engineering; but, as a part time job he teaches Japanese at a language academy. We had a good time. We went to this restaurant and had samgibsan (it's a Korean barbeque, but you actually get to cook your food how you like) and drank soju (Korean beer). He's a Catholic Christian, but he's a true believer, which is good. We talked a lot. He asked me if I would help him improve his English. Evidently, when he was in high school his major was English. He was preparing to go to the US to go to undergrad school, but it was too expensive. So, he went to Japan, learned the language in a year, and got his bachelor's there. He also told me that after he gets his masters he wants to work for a research institute in Korea. Apparently, he hasn't served his required military service yet, so if he can get into a national research institute he can bypass the system. It kinda sucks I guess for Korean guys; apparently, all Korean men have to serve in the military for at least two years. Anyways, after that, we went to Insadong and had traditional Korean tea. It was amazing! Not only was it traditional tea, but also the mugs were handmade! It was just awesome!

So, I had a good time Saturday night. I was able to have fellowship with a brother in the faith, and practice my Korean which is getting better and better. I don't think I've explained this very well, but making friends here in a foreign country has been a major goal for me. While lately I've had an easy time making foreigner friends, it's been tough making Korean friends. I feel bad sometimes when I spend time with Koreans because they have to speak in English around me. Just for the record, English is difficult for Asians to speak. Not only is it a foreign language and an unrelated one too, but also it's spoken in a different area of the mouth so muscles that normally don't work in that area have to. It gets tiring for them. It's like trying to run when your body isn't used to it.

God has definitely challenged me here. Not only have I left my comfort zone, but also I've been placed in a leadership role as a teacher and as the Welcome team leader. It's tough, and some times it's overwhelming, but it has been good for me. Since I've been here I've had to make many adjustments and changes to the way I like to live. I'm still the calm, quiet, laid-back, bookish kind of guy I was in the States, but I've had to become a leader and quick thinker too. I'm not sure what plan God has made for me, but I have to trust Him daily. Please continue to pray for me. Also, pray for my family. I found out last week that three days after I left for Korea my dad lost his job. They didn't tell me because they didn't want me to worry about it, but it's tough for me knowing now. I feel like I should send more money home to help my parents out. I know that it's in God's hands and that He's the one who will provide for them, but I feel obligated to as their son to help my family. I don't know how many of you understand these kinds of feelings since it's not a normal one in our culture, but I've always had a feeling for supporting my family since I was a child. It's weird, but it's true.

Anyways, I'll keep praying for you guys out there.

Peace.

An UPdate

My life here has started to settle down. And, that's what has been bothering. I don't want to go back to being comfortable again. I saw what it did for me in the US and I don't want that here. The nice thing about last month was that I had to depend on God for the next step. Even now I'm still having to depend on him. The only problem is that I'm starting to remember that things are going to be OK. Not good.

Perhaps I'm just being too hard on myself. I know that in the past I've been noted for being an over achiever when it comes to doing things for the first time. Basically, my instincts from being the oldest child kick in and tell me, "You don't know what you're doing, so work your butt off and make everyone happy and pleased with you so you don't get in trouble." Sometimes it's a good thing, but other times it isn't.

My biggest problem here is being stubborn and prideful. Not trying to accept people's help and trying to do things on my own. It's not physically possible for me to live with that mind set. Not only is it a spiritual issue, but also being a foreigner doesn't allow me to operate under those beliefs as easily as I would like them to. I need other people to help me. I can't speak the language yet and I don't understand how to get around fully either.

Slowly, this is evaporating from me. But it's still evident.

I've started learning the language. I can read the alphabet. It's pretty easy. Actually, Korean is a little more advanced I think than Chinese and Japanese, especially when it comes to writing. I mean the alphabet has these constanants: ㄱ,ㄴ,ㄷ,ㄹ,ㅁ,ㅂ,ㅅ,ㅇ,ㅋ,ㅌ,ㅊ,ㅈ,ㅎ,ㅍ, and these vowels: ㅓ,ㅕ,ㅏ,ㅑ,ㅗ,ㅛ,ㅜ,ㅠ,ㅡ,ㅣ. So, I can write words like 영, 한, 서 울, 인천, 가삼함니 다, 우 유, 용현동, 동 인 천, 아이, 이, 미 국, 한 국 and a few others. So, it's getting better. It's just taking time.

Anyways, I would spend more time writing, but my time here at the PC 박 is almost up.

Peace.

The Life of a Foreigner

I've been in Korea for about a month now. I can say that I've enjoyed every part of it. God has really changed me and my outlook on things.

First, I'll say this, my writing hasn't changed yet. Since I can't exactly use the people around me as characters or subjects in my writing, I've turned to writing about the Introvert inside me. Besides, you should only write about the things you know, right?

Anyways, my poetry seems to be more about longing and poetry. Not being in my native land and surrounded by native tongue 24/7 has impacted me in some way. But there's something unique about it. First of all, I haven't experienced cultural shock. My worst culture shock experience was when I moved to South Carolina from Upstate New York. Moving from a European/Agricultural-centric culture to this Southern American culture is tough for a nine year old. But moving from America to Korea hasn't been that bad. Actually it has changed my perspective on words.

I realized that the words here are different from the words at home. I don't mean it in the sense that English is different from Korean, that's obvious. What I mean is that every place has something to say. The things here say something different. It's a love-hate relationship I think. I mean that everything has a name, and everything has a creator that named it. Even the universe itself was created by words from the Word. But here, it's as if something is struggling for air.

Second, the city life is a bit difficult for me. Growing up in the mountains around woods and rivers to a huge urban area is very difficult. Just to give you an idea about how BIG this place is, take the Upstate of South Carolina and make every part of it a city. Not even Incheon, Seoul, and Gyeonggi-do are separated by trees or some clear point of separation like it is in the US. It's all just ONE giant city! So, any time I get close to some piece of field or wood I get very excited. My feet just want to feel fresh soil between their toes again!

Third, I'm thankful that I'm a foreigner who can speak English. If I spoke French, Spanish, Italian, or any other language I wouldn't be able to communicate at all with the Koreans or other foreigners. I can't tell you how this feels because it's so new to me.

Finally, I find myself depending on God more and more. It's not even an option most of the time. At church, I'm now getting involved in various ways. Last week I was asked by one of the pastors if I would lead the welcome team. He said what IWE (International Worship in English) needs is more foreigners on the team. Right now, every one on the team is Korean. So, I decided to do it. Basically, not only do I have to send out emails to the newcomers, but also I have to lead the greeters, meet the new people who come, and just do some follow up work. It doesn't sound like much, but I'm taking it very seriously. Not only is this a very important job, but also it's something God has given me the responsibility of doing for His church.

So, yeah, that's about the big extent of it. In addition to studying Scripture, teaching English, writing poetry, and serving at church, I've been trying to learn Korean. It's actually easy to learn the Korean alphabet, but once you get past that part it's just learning grammar and vocabulary. That will be the hard part.

I've been praying for you guys. I know that you're praying for me. God has blessed me here in Korea. Though I don't know what God has planned for me here, I think this is definitely where I need to be.

Peace.

FrUstrAtionS

Lately, I've been re-reading the Old Testament, particularly the first five books of the OT known as the Pentateuch. Anyways, I was reading the about the Passover and what God wanted the Israelites to do. Basically, the Pharoah wouldn't let the Israelites go. This was mainly because God hardened Pharoah's heart, but it was also because God to use the Pharoah for bringing glory to Himself.

Anyways, in order for the Israelites to be saved from this final plague, they had to take a lamb and let it live with them for 2 weeks. At the end of the 2 weeks they had to slaughter it. Hold on, they had to kill it! That had to be difficult. That's like taking your pet or an animal and letting it live with you for two weeks and then killing it. Just imagine for a moment.

Let's say it a dog. You adopt this dog. You nuture it, feed it, take care of it, but more importantly you love it. Now, after two weeks you're told to kill it and then eat it in haste. You don't even have time to think or mourn about it. You just have to do it.

In some ways, I feel like I've sacrificed something in the past couple of months. I feel like I've sacrificed my American life for another one. No matter how hard I try not to think about it I'm a foreigner here. I didn't have a lot of time to think about leaving when it came down to it, it was either you want the job or not.

I'll admit there are times at night where I can't sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I feel homesick. So far, I haven't felt homesickness yet, but I've definitely feel as if things aren't the same for me.

Last Sunday, one of the pastors at church asked me if I was willing to lead the Welcome Team at IWE (International Worship in English). He told me that right now the only people on it are Koreans, but they want to have more foreigners on the team. He said that I would have to meet people, send out emails to newcomers, probably call people, and do some other stuff. I told him that I would pray about it and see if this is what God wants me to do. Already I'm involved in VBS with the kids as a game leader, and I help check the spelling and format of the bulletin and songs that are posted on the screen for worship on Sunday mornings, so I don't know if taking on another responsibility is a good thing for me. It means that I would have to devote my weekday mornings to sending out emails and calling people. I just need some prayer about it.

Also, work has become more difficult. Though the work isn't that hard, the social dynamics are becoming frustrating. When something goes wrong, they think that I did something. It's really annoying. Sometimes, they ask me why I haven't been doing something, when I just reply, "Because nobody told me that I was supposed to do it." It really makes me feel incompetenent at my job. Lately, I've been going up to the roof at work or locking myself in a bathroom stall and just pray to God about it. I just get so frustrated about these things! I've even found myself judging them unfairly about it. And that's not something I should do.

I really just want to be around church and the people I've met so far. However, everybody that I enjoy spending time with lives in Seoul, which is about 1 hour and 30 minutes away by bus and train. Though they only live 30 miles away, it just takes so long to get to them because of the way the cities of Incheon, Seoul, Bucheon are layed out. But, I know that God has something for me here in Incheon, even though there aren't many Koreans who speak English and foreigners around here to keep me company.

Though this update is pretty brief, I'll try to update it more often. My blogging skills aren't that great, so I hope you can bear with the awkward transitions.

Peace.