Erasing the Past

I was looking at some of my old blog posts, some of which I am embarassed about. I've thought many times before, "Maybe I should take blogging seriously and start a new blog with a fresh start." But, I've decided I'll keep this blog. Why? The reason is this is my life. I can't erase my past, no matter how embarassing it is. I've hoped again and again that I would finally be able to be a serious blogger, but I need to be me. The reason I feel embarassed is the way I used to write and expressed myself seems to be very immature. I realized that living in South Korea was my chance to grow up, and I have in many ways. Of course, there are parts of my life that haven't changed that should, but I am believe I will change.

Korea Complains Again

I really don't like this stuff. As many of you know, I lived in Korea for 2 years. I learned a lot while I was there, the good and bad. One thing I became very tired of was most Koreans talking negatively about Japan. Of course, I knew the history between Japan and Korea, and it's not good. However, I believe forgiveness is important and essential to move forward. But, many do not believe that sadly. This article, http://edition.cnn.com/2012/06/05/world/asia/japan-comfort-women/index.html?hpt=hp_c1 justifies to me that Koreans will not relent humiliating and rubbing Japan's nose into the dirt. If you have any Japanese friends you will quickly learn that most Japanese never say anything negative about their neighbors, including Korea. Although many Japanese are aware of the past, they don't particularly want to talk about it (and who would want to talk about their past failures?). But if you ever speak to Chinese or Koreans most, not all, will usually say negative things about Japan. It's tiring and boring. Honestly, the more negativity I hear from Chinese and Koreans about Japan the more favor Japan gains in my eyes. It needs to end.

preparation

My time in Korea is almost over. As one part of my life closes another opens.

I don't have many things here anymore. Last week I finished the bulk of my packing. Now I just have the stuff I'll carry on to the plane. My last day here is August 10. I will fly from Seoul to New York and spend some time with my grandmother before I head down to South Carolina.

My next step? Well, I don't know what that is yet. I don't actually believe there is a next step. All I believe is that I must move forward. I know I'll be coming back to Asia soon. This is where my heart is.

The next few weeks I have to teach advanced classes and English camp. It's not bad, but the students seem to be frustrated with me about it. I think they thought it was going to be easy, but they were wrong. I'm making my advanced classes write letters to someone they admire and write a story about a place. My English camp students are making a movie which they will have to perform. I think it will be fun. :)

Now I am trying to get my sleep back and life back in order before I leave. I have been under stress a lot these days, so it has been difficult for me to sleep at night or feel comfortable at home. Most of this stress is work related. My co-workers don't realize how stressful it is working with them. But what do I know. I'm just the dumb foreigner. :P

I'm going to try to write more often in this blog. Hopefully my English won't be atrocious to my readers.

long time......

It's been a while since I posted on this blog. I haven't had a whole lot to talk about lately.

I'm trying to cope living in Asia. It's very hard! I don't know how to attempt to explain all the details or mentality that exists here, but it has taken its effect on me. Whether it's positive or negative I can't tell yet. Learning to live with it is the hard part; thinking about it later is the best thing for now....

~대만!!! Oh Taiwan!!!~

Less than twenty four hours before I leave Korea... a little nervous.

It's raining today and that makes leaving more comfortable. Actually, I've always liked rain. Rain always calms and clears my thoughts. Just like the water washing a way the dirt and flith, my mind too is cleaned and refreshed by rainfall.

But, getting ready to go to another country...

I really hope there's something new for me to learn there.

Peace.

As people pass
through
the white halls,
a cracking sound
comes from
the room downstairs.

lately, i've been praying that God would just keep me quiet.... it's possible that it may sound silly, but i find that thinking too much keeps me from really pursuing the Lord. not that i think thinking is wrong, but in my life it's like an excuse.

so... instead of really laying things out there, i want to share some scripture i've been reading.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will recieve anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." James 1: 5-8

double-minded is certainly where i am. perhaps not so much in doubting, but more so in lack of satisfaction in the Lord himself. i've been reading oswald chambers' book "my upmost for his highest." an excellent book. in these devotions chambers discusses spiritual matters by using scripture (the only way to do it) and makes application to them. well, i've come to realize that my lack of satisfaction in Christ has led to a life of sin. chambers points out that a believer who is determined to have his own way in living for God is, ultimately, "persecuting Him." such a powerful message!

Holy Spirit give me a spirit that is satisfied in You and seeks to follow Your will.