My life here has started to settle down. And, that's what has been bothering. I don't want to go back to being comfortable again. I saw what it did for me in the US and I don't want that here. The nice thing about last month was that I had to depend on God for the next step. Even now I'm still having to depend on him. The only problem is that I'm starting to remember that things are going to be OK. Not good.
Perhaps I'm just being too hard on myself. I know that in the past I've been noted for being an over achiever when it comes to doing things for the first time. Basically, my instincts from being the oldest child kick in and tell me, "You don't know what you're doing, so work your butt off and make everyone happy and pleased with you so you don't get in trouble." Sometimes it's a good thing, but other times it isn't.
My biggest problem here is being stubborn and prideful. Not trying to accept people's help and trying to do things on my own. It's not physically possible for me to live with that mind set. Not only is it a spiritual issue, but also being a foreigner doesn't allow me to operate under those beliefs as easily as I would like them to. I need other people to help me. I can't speak the language yet and I don't understand how to get around fully either.
Slowly, this is evaporating from me. But it's still evident.
I've started learning the language. I can read the alphabet. It's pretty easy. Actually, Korean is a little more advanced I think than Chinese and Japanese, especially when it comes to writing. I mean the alphabet has these constanants: ㄱ,ㄴ,ㄷ,ㄹ,ㅁ,ㅂ,ㅅ,ㅇ,ㅋ,ㅌ,ㅊ,ㅈ,ㅎ,ㅍ, and these vowels: ㅓ,ㅕ,ㅏ,ㅑ,ㅗ,ㅛ,ㅜ,ㅠ,ㅡ,ㅣ. So, I can write words like 영, 한, 서 울, 인천, 가삼함니 다, 우 유, 용현동, 동 인 천, 아이, 이, 미 국, 한 국 and a few others. So, it's getting better. It's just taking time.
Anyways, I would spend more time writing, but my time here at the PC 박 is almost up.
Peace.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Life of a Foreigner
I've been in Korea for about a month now. I can say that I've enjoyed every part of it. God has really changed me and my outlook on things.
First, I'll say this, my writing hasn't changed yet. Since I can't exactly use the people around me as characters or subjects in my writing, I've turned to writing about the Introvert inside me. Besides, you should only write about the things you know, right?
Anyways, my poetry seems to be more about longing and poetry. Not being in my native land and surrounded by native tongue 24/7 has impacted me in some way. But there's something unique about it. First of all, I haven't experienced cultural shock. My worst culture shock experience was when I moved to South Carolina from Upstate New York. Moving from a European/Agricultural-centric culture to this Southern American culture is tough for a nine year old. But moving from America to Korea hasn't been that bad. Actually it has changed my perspective on words.
I realized that the words here are different from the words at home. I don't mean it in the sense that English is different from Korean, that's obvious. What I mean is that every place has something to say. The things here say something different. It's a love-hate relationship I think. I mean that everything has a name, and everything has a creator that named it. Even the universe itself was created by words from the Word. But here, it's as if something is struggling for air.
Second, the city life is a bit difficult for me. Growing up in the mountains around woods and rivers to a huge urban area is very difficult. Just to give you an idea about how BIG this place is, take the Upstate of South Carolina and make every part of it a city. Not even Incheon, Seoul, and Gyeonggi-do are separated by trees or some clear point of separation like it is in the US. It's all just ONE giant city! So, any time I get close to some piece of field or wood I get very excited. My feet just want to feel fresh soil between their toes again!
Third, I'm thankful that I'm a foreigner who can speak English. If I spoke French, Spanish, Italian, or any other language I wouldn't be able to communicate at all with the Koreans or other foreigners. I can't tell you how this feels because it's so new to me.
Finally, I find myself depending on God more and more. It's not even an option most of the time. At church, I'm now getting involved in various ways. Last week I was asked by one of the pastors if I would lead the welcome team. He said what IWE (International Worship in English) needs is more foreigners on the team. Right now, every one on the team is Korean. So, I decided to do it. Basically, not only do I have to send out emails to the newcomers, but also I have to lead the greeters, meet the new people who come, and just do some follow up work. It doesn't sound like much, but I'm taking it very seriously. Not only is this a very important job, but also it's something God has given me the responsibility of doing for His church.
So, yeah, that's about the big extent of it. In addition to studying Scripture, teaching English, writing poetry, and serving at church, I've been trying to learn Korean. It's actually easy to learn the Korean alphabet, but once you get past that part it's just learning grammar and vocabulary. That will be the hard part.
I've been praying for you guys. I know that you're praying for me. God has blessed me here in Korea. Though I don't know what God has planned for me here, I think this is definitely where I need to be.
Peace.
First, I'll say this, my writing hasn't changed yet. Since I can't exactly use the people around me as characters or subjects in my writing, I've turned to writing about the Introvert inside me. Besides, you should only write about the things you know, right?
Anyways, my poetry seems to be more about longing and poetry. Not being in my native land and surrounded by native tongue 24/7 has impacted me in some way. But there's something unique about it. First of all, I haven't experienced cultural shock. My worst culture shock experience was when I moved to South Carolina from Upstate New York. Moving from a European/Agricultural-centric culture to this Southern American culture is tough for a nine year old. But moving from America to Korea hasn't been that bad. Actually it has changed my perspective on words.
I realized that the words here are different from the words at home. I don't mean it in the sense that English is different from Korean, that's obvious. What I mean is that every place has something to say. The things here say something different. It's a love-hate relationship I think. I mean that everything has a name, and everything has a creator that named it. Even the universe itself was created by words from the Word. But here, it's as if something is struggling for air.
Second, the city life is a bit difficult for me. Growing up in the mountains around woods and rivers to a huge urban area is very difficult. Just to give you an idea about how BIG this place is, take the Upstate of South Carolina and make every part of it a city. Not even Incheon, Seoul, and Gyeonggi-do are separated by trees or some clear point of separation like it is in the US. It's all just ONE giant city! So, any time I get close to some piece of field or wood I get very excited. My feet just want to feel fresh soil between their toes again!
Third, I'm thankful that I'm a foreigner who can speak English. If I spoke French, Spanish, Italian, or any other language I wouldn't be able to communicate at all with the Koreans or other foreigners. I can't tell you how this feels because it's so new to me.
Finally, I find myself depending on God more and more. It's not even an option most of the time. At church, I'm now getting involved in various ways. Last week I was asked by one of the pastors if I would lead the welcome team. He said what IWE (International Worship in English) needs is more foreigners on the team. Right now, every one on the team is Korean. So, I decided to do it. Basically, not only do I have to send out emails to the newcomers, but also I have to lead the greeters, meet the new people who come, and just do some follow up work. It doesn't sound like much, but I'm taking it very seriously. Not only is this a very important job, but also it's something God has given me the responsibility of doing for His church.
So, yeah, that's about the big extent of it. In addition to studying Scripture, teaching English, writing poetry, and serving at church, I've been trying to learn Korean. It's actually easy to learn the Korean alphabet, but once you get past that part it's just learning grammar and vocabulary. That will be the hard part.
I've been praying for you guys. I know that you're praying for me. God has blessed me here in Korea. Though I don't know what God has planned for me here, I think this is definitely where I need to be.
Peace.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
FrUstrAtionS
Lately, I've been re-reading the Old Testament, particularly the first five books of the OT known as the Pentateuch. Anyways, I was reading the about the Passover and what God wanted the Israelites to do. Basically, the Pharoah wouldn't let the Israelites go. This was mainly because God hardened Pharoah's heart, but it was also because God to use the Pharoah for bringing glory to Himself.
Anyways, in order for the Israelites to be saved from this final plague, they had to take a lamb and let it live with them for 2 weeks. At the end of the 2 weeks they had to slaughter it. Hold on, they had to kill it! That had to be difficult. That's like taking your pet or an animal and letting it live with you for two weeks and then killing it. Just imagine for a moment.
Let's say it a dog. You adopt this dog. You nuture it, feed it, take care of it, but more importantly you love it. Now, after two weeks you're told to kill it and then eat it in haste. You don't even have time to think or mourn about it. You just have to do it.
In some ways, I feel like I've sacrificed something in the past couple of months. I feel like I've sacrificed my American life for another one. No matter how hard I try not to think about it I'm a foreigner here. I didn't have a lot of time to think about leaving when it came down to it, it was either you want the job or not.
I'll admit there are times at night where I can't sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I feel homesick. So far, I haven't felt homesickness yet, but I've definitely feel as if things aren't the same for me.
Last Sunday, one of the pastors at church asked me if I was willing to lead the Welcome Team at IWE (International Worship in English). He told me that right now the only people on it are Koreans, but they want to have more foreigners on the team. He said that I would have to meet people, send out emails to newcomers, probably call people, and do some other stuff. I told him that I would pray about it and see if this is what God wants me to do. Already I'm involved in VBS with the kids as a game leader, and I help check the spelling and format of the bulletin and songs that are posted on the screen for worship on Sunday mornings, so I don't know if taking on another responsibility is a good thing for me. It means that I would have to devote my weekday mornings to sending out emails and calling people. I just need some prayer about it.
Also, work has become more difficult. Though the work isn't that hard, the social dynamics are becoming frustrating. When something goes wrong, they think that I did something. It's really annoying. Sometimes, they ask me why I haven't been doing something, when I just reply, "Because nobody told me that I was supposed to do it." It really makes me feel incompetenent at my job. Lately, I've been going up to the roof at work or locking myself in a bathroom stall and just pray to God about it. I just get so frustrated about these things! I've even found myself judging them unfairly about it. And that's not something I should do.
I really just want to be around church and the people I've met so far. However, everybody that I enjoy spending time with lives in Seoul, which is about 1 hour and 30 minutes away by bus and train. Though they only live 30 miles away, it just takes so long to get to them because of the way the cities of Incheon, Seoul, Bucheon are layed out. But, I know that God has something for me here in Incheon, even though there aren't many Koreans who speak English and foreigners around here to keep me company.
Though this update is pretty brief, I'll try to update it more often. My blogging skills aren't that great, so I hope you can bear with the awkward transitions.
Peace.
Anyways, in order for the Israelites to be saved from this final plague, they had to take a lamb and let it live with them for 2 weeks. At the end of the 2 weeks they had to slaughter it. Hold on, they had to kill it! That had to be difficult. That's like taking your pet or an animal and letting it live with you for two weeks and then killing it. Just imagine for a moment.
Let's say it a dog. You adopt this dog. You nuture it, feed it, take care of it, but more importantly you love it. Now, after two weeks you're told to kill it and then eat it in haste. You don't even have time to think or mourn about it. You just have to do it.
In some ways, I feel like I've sacrificed something in the past couple of months. I feel like I've sacrificed my American life for another one. No matter how hard I try not to think about it I'm a foreigner here. I didn't have a lot of time to think about leaving when it came down to it, it was either you want the job or not.
I'll admit there are times at night where I can't sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I feel homesick. So far, I haven't felt homesickness yet, but I've definitely feel as if things aren't the same for me.
Last Sunday, one of the pastors at church asked me if I was willing to lead the Welcome Team at IWE (International Worship in English). He told me that right now the only people on it are Koreans, but they want to have more foreigners on the team. He said that I would have to meet people, send out emails to newcomers, probably call people, and do some other stuff. I told him that I would pray about it and see if this is what God wants me to do. Already I'm involved in VBS with the kids as a game leader, and I help check the spelling and format of the bulletin and songs that are posted on the screen for worship on Sunday mornings, so I don't know if taking on another responsibility is a good thing for me. It means that I would have to devote my weekday mornings to sending out emails and calling people. I just need some prayer about it.
Also, work has become more difficult. Though the work isn't that hard, the social dynamics are becoming frustrating. When something goes wrong, they think that I did something. It's really annoying. Sometimes, they ask me why I haven't been doing something, when I just reply, "Because nobody told me that I was supposed to do it." It really makes me feel incompetenent at my job. Lately, I've been going up to the roof at work or locking myself in a bathroom stall and just pray to God about it. I just get so frustrated about these things! I've even found myself judging them unfairly about it. And that's not something I should do.
I really just want to be around church and the people I've met so far. However, everybody that I enjoy spending time with lives in Seoul, which is about 1 hour and 30 minutes away by bus and train. Though they only live 30 miles away, it just takes so long to get to them because of the way the cities of Incheon, Seoul, Bucheon are layed out. But, I know that God has something for me here in Incheon, even though there aren't many Koreans who speak English and foreigners around here to keep me company.
Though this update is pretty brief, I'll try to update it more often. My blogging skills aren't that great, so I hope you can bear with the awkward transitions.
Peace.
Friday, August 7, 2009
QuiCk UpDatE
So, I've got a few minutes left on the internet; here's a quick update.
Yesterday I got paid! I can't describe how good it feels to know I have some money now! I'm so sick and tired of relying on my bank account at home and never knowing if it's going to work or not. It just feels good!
Also, I got a cell phone yesterday. It's actually nicer than my US cell phone, and it's got a lot of cool things on it too. I only have to pay $50 a month for talking minutes, text messages, internet access, and a few other things too. It's pretty nice. It also came with a Korean-English dictionary and a map of the subway systems in Korea. So, I think it's a good deal.
This week has been nice. I just decorated my room to make it feel a little more comfortable. It's kind of a strange room. I have a Western-style bed, with an Asian-style table and appliances. It's definitely unique. I've been studying Korean the past couple of weeks. I'm just about able to read in Korean, but my vocabulary is poor. I'm considering taking some Korean classes this fall at a local university. But I don't know yet.
Well, church is this weekend, so I'm excited. I'll update again when I have some more time.
Peace.
Yesterday I got paid! I can't describe how good it feels to know I have some money now! I'm so sick and tired of relying on my bank account at home and never knowing if it's going to work or not. It just feels good!
Also, I got a cell phone yesterday. It's actually nicer than my US cell phone, and it's got a lot of cool things on it too. I only have to pay $50 a month for talking minutes, text messages, internet access, and a few other things too. It's pretty nice. It also came with a Korean-English dictionary and a map of the subway systems in Korea. So, I think it's a good deal.
This week has been nice. I just decorated my room to make it feel a little more comfortable. It's kind of a strange room. I have a Western-style bed, with an Asian-style table and appliances. It's definitely unique. I've been studying Korean the past couple of weeks. I'm just about able to read in Korean, but my vocabulary is poor. I'm considering taking some Korean classes this fall at a local university. But I don't know yet.
Well, church is this weekend, so I'm excited. I'll update again when I have some more time.
Peace.
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