FrUstrAtionS

Lately, I've been re-reading the Old Testament, particularly the first five books of the OT known as the Pentateuch. Anyways, I was reading the about the Passover and what God wanted the Israelites to do. Basically, the Pharoah wouldn't let the Israelites go. This was mainly because God hardened Pharoah's heart, but it was also because God to use the Pharoah for bringing glory to Himself.

Anyways, in order for the Israelites to be saved from this final plague, they had to take a lamb and let it live with them for 2 weeks. At the end of the 2 weeks they had to slaughter it. Hold on, they had to kill it! That had to be difficult. That's like taking your pet or an animal and letting it live with you for two weeks and then killing it. Just imagine for a moment.

Let's say it a dog. You adopt this dog. You nuture it, feed it, take care of it, but more importantly you love it. Now, after two weeks you're told to kill it and then eat it in haste. You don't even have time to think or mourn about it. You just have to do it.

In some ways, I feel like I've sacrificed something in the past couple of months. I feel like I've sacrificed my American life for another one. No matter how hard I try not to think about it I'm a foreigner here. I didn't have a lot of time to think about leaving when it came down to it, it was either you want the job or not.

I'll admit there are times at night where I can't sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I feel homesick. So far, I haven't felt homesickness yet, but I've definitely feel as if things aren't the same for me.

Last Sunday, one of the pastors at church asked me if I was willing to lead the Welcome Team at IWE (International Worship in English). He told me that right now the only people on it are Koreans, but they want to have more foreigners on the team. He said that I would have to meet people, send out emails to newcomers, probably call people, and do some other stuff. I told him that I would pray about it and see if this is what God wants me to do. Already I'm involved in VBS with the kids as a game leader, and I help check the spelling and format of the bulletin and songs that are posted on the screen for worship on Sunday mornings, so I don't know if taking on another responsibility is a good thing for me. It means that I would have to devote my weekday mornings to sending out emails and calling people. I just need some prayer about it.

Also, work has become more difficult. Though the work isn't that hard, the social dynamics are becoming frustrating. When something goes wrong, they think that I did something. It's really annoying. Sometimes, they ask me why I haven't been doing something, when I just reply, "Because nobody told me that I was supposed to do it." It really makes me feel incompetenent at my job. Lately, I've been going up to the roof at work or locking myself in a bathroom stall and just pray to God about it. I just get so frustrated about these things! I've even found myself judging them unfairly about it. And that's not something I should do.

I really just want to be around church and the people I've met so far. However, everybody that I enjoy spending time with lives in Seoul, which is about 1 hour and 30 minutes away by bus and train. Though they only live 30 miles away, it just takes so long to get to them because of the way the cities of Incheon, Seoul, Bucheon are layed out. But, I know that God has something for me here in Incheon, even though there aren't many Koreans who speak English and foreigners around here to keep me company.

Though this update is pretty brief, I'll try to update it more often. My blogging skills aren't that great, so I hope you can bear with the awkward transitions.

Peace.